She has returned..not lost just on an extended vacation

Who though Des could actually fall in love with a man who is able to fully love her back??? I sit here at the beach in Maui on January 1st, 2013 and tell you it has happened. I thought hell would freeze over first, it did not. I'm not 40 yet, and I say with a pure heart that I love this man and I have given up all others to be his. No Rocky, rock star..nobody. My heart is spoken for and I'm not taking a gamble, I know that he is mine as I am his. I've loved him since we were kids and I plan to love him until the end of our days.

The universe and Desiree..

I dream of a lot of things, a good life, one man to love and to keep, healthy children, financial security, and a republican president (totally dreaming on that for 2012!).  So why is it that I think of two amazing men who captured my heart and broke it a few times and then I see BOTH of them within one tiny hour??  I think the universe is telling me to place focus on what is really important and stop dreaming of the past.. it's already happened.  Good things are happening mostly now.  I'm having a difficult time with my son and his horrible behavior.  But we'll get through it, and I'll be a grey haired old maid when we are done with that.  I'm worried about the lump in my arm, but I'll get that fixed on Thursday and I'll know the details and soon I'll be back to my old self.  Yesterday I met TWO men that I would love to really love, but captain from the weekend is still number one.  The universe had me spinning yesterday.. I couldn't see which way was up... So when I got home I was exhausted and emotionally drained.  I had very little to give to anyone.  I think my life is a story about many loves, some last a weekend others last years, but each are special to me.  Running into Steve and Eric yesterday.. yowza.. The flood gate of emotions that took over my heart nearly brought me to tears.   And the chemistry with Steve was still there.   I had a desire to fall into his arms and not look back.  He's not that cute, no joke, but I see the men I love differently.  I look into their hearts and they see into mine.. I don't care that he still has a unibrow, and that he hair is gray.. that maybe he's put on a few pounds.. those are physical things.. I see the soul... it's still pretty.. and still gets me going.. We hugged and it was awesome.. I felt his arms around my body again and I melted. 

It's been such a long time

I haven't felt this way in a long time.. so I'm going to talk about it now.  I just got back from Honolulu for work and I flew with this Captain.. Yeah I know it always starts with a good looking pilot and a few beers and then presto I think I'm in love.  This one is different.. well they all are.  But hear me out.  We had a few beers last night and we went to our own rooms and we didn't hook up.  He must know how to get me to want him because this is the trick.  If you want Desiree, make her do a little of the chasing and keep her guessing a tad.  He gave me some solid (OMG he has an AMAZING body!!) hugs, hugs that you don't give to someone that you're not into.  I feel him, and I've liked him for quite some time.  That's so refreshing.  The ONLY icky thing is that he is a democrat.  FUCK.. can't I have my ideal man with all of the 10 Desiree comandments???  Is it really that tough??  I have most of what I'm looking for in him.  He really gets me and my favorite thing is that he thinks I'm "damn smart".  He has no idea of my other talents and if he plays me right (he has a copy of the play book I'm certain) then he will get me to give up all other vices and play only in his field.  I was sad today leaving the airplane.  WTF??  Usually I can't wait to get off the plane, this is so a revisit of Steve... I wanted those trips to last all month long.  I didn't want any of it to end. 
I'm off to bed... wishing that this man was in my arms... I love him... pretty sure

Des is back

I've taken some time off so to speak to regroup and make some more fun errors.  My strength comes from my blog and my inner well being is managed here.  I'll be back.. there are trips to fly and adventures to live.. fear not Des Fox has returned!

One Minute Woman

Sometimes Ty really steps things up and then other times he's just too tired.  Poor guy to have the likes of Miss Desiree constantly wanting him?? I know that he's not even close to being used to this kind of love.  I'm like a puppy when I'm around him.  I want him to constantly touch me and I want him to want me like bad.  I had a little window of 20 minutes today before I had to get ready for work.. I got naked and you know what he did??  He went to sleep!  WTF???  How does this happen??  I prance around, and he turns over and goes back to sleep.  FUCK!!  Grab me, and show me that you desire me!!  How hard is that??  I'm getting burned out a little.  I can tell too because I've been flirty lately.  I know me.  If I'm not getting adequate attention at home then I will dance around with others. It's who I am.  I'm trying to get away from that, a little anyway.  My recipe for success is easy.. little sugar, pinch of salt and a whole lotta lovin.. when you ignore Des she goes off to find what she's not getting.  Maybe I could come with a warning label or something??  Cigarettes come with one..  I had a close call the other night and I'm glad that there was an angel looking out for me and that I didn't goof up.  The opportunity was totally there.. in front of me.. I am going to take a different approach to my relationship with Ty.  I'm backing away, my heart is telling me that I need a new perspective.  If I take a step back then I can see if this is truly what I want.  At this moment right here and now I'm not sure he's what I'm looking for.  If he was I'd feel it in my toes and I don't.  He can move in, but things are changing and not necessarily for the better.  I need more action, not just sex either.  I need him tocome alive more .. I can't do all of the work.  I will say that last night he was totally there for me as I was angry with my Mom.  He comforted me and he held me and he stroked my hair and reminded me that he is here for me.  I fell asleep on his lap, with his strong arms around me.  My world was a better place.  He made it better for me... he typically does.  I get so confused.  I will step things back though.. just for a while.  I have to.. self preservation is the name of the game.  Isn't it??

Crazy for his love..

I'm at work and away from the people and pets I love the most. But I can't remember a time in my life where I felt so loved and cared for by a man.  Tyler lifts my spirits daily and he has brought me to a new level of being.  I was thinking the other day as to what it is that I look for in a man, and you know what means most to me is a man who is the master of his craft.  Whatever that craft may be.  I am inspired by men who follow their hearts and who stay true to their inner self.  The guy who follows his passion with a half ass attitude is the one that I keep walking by.  I love and appreciate those who are true to themselves.  And I'm guessing that is because I'm true to who I am.  Tyler and I will have some obstacles ahead of us, but I think there isn't anythng we can't get through.  I love him so much that I've toned down my outter flirt and my need for attention from men.  The only eyes I want on my body are his, and the only lips I care to kiss are the ones on his face.  Life is freakin good!

the fine lines that we walk...

Tyler and I are doing great.. and I have a good attitude about what we do.  In fact as long as I don't fall into the old habits and start fooling around I'm ahead of the game.  I want him and him alone.  I see my forever in his eyes.  I hate the word forever.. it's so confining, but with him I say forever and feel a fresh breeze on my face.  It's truly out with the old and in with the new.. Des is on solid ground.  With you.. baby I'm satisfied.. making my love to you.. cause you got me hypnotized..
So when Ty is in my bed sleeping, I look at him and I fall in love with him.  And I know it's because of how good he makes me feel.  My rock star made me feel good, but it was all lies and it wasn't even close to real.  The only part of that whole mess that had any resemblence of reality was how I felt about him.  I was his puppet, and I was willing to put myself in compromising positions to hold his attention.  I must have some serious self esteem issues.  That was yesterday and clearly yesterday is gone.  My days are filled with love and life building moments with the man I plan on marrying.  I said it.. and this time it's for real. 
Love happens when you least expect it but when you are completely open to it..
That's my story for today.. nothing naughty... sorry...